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The Four Stops

by autisticinput @ 2007. Jun. 26. - 02:15:39 pm

Just like there are four steps to autistic integration and involvement in society, there are four stops that prevent this from happening, albeit over time.

The first stop along the route is ignorance. If a person ignores something, either by lack of education, information, or experience, how can that person have any form of awareness about the subject, idea, or issue? If a person chooses to ignore the basis of autism in the broadest sense of the word, how can that person be aware of what it means to be autistic? Unfortunately, ignorance is often "the path of least resistance", as by ignoring autism (often by trying to divert attention to another subject or issue); whereas, by facing the subject, itself, would require more resistance to former ideas and beliefs that have been entrenched over generations and cultures.

The second stop is denial. Often, once a person accepts that there is this subject known as autism, more often from a person in one's own proximity (family, neighbourhood) as being subject to the issue of autism, the question of why is raised, as a form of denial. "Why are we, as a family, being subject to my son being diagnosed with autism?" The denial phase is one of the hardest ones to overcome, for many, and the idea of accepting autism into their lives is often seen as a form of "surrender"--a kind of "giving in" to an "enemy". By trying to claim that the idea, itself, is absurd, these people in denial will try to avoid changes, and get back to the "status quo" of what life was like before the word "autism" entered the vocabulary. Anyone who tries to promote acceptance of autism is often up against this "brick wall" of resistance, and, finding a door through this "brick wall" is the only route to acceptance.

The third stop is the "yes, but" approach to the input of autistics as far as what each one wants for his/her life, based on the idea that others must have a better idea than autistics themselves as to what is better for their integration into society. Autistics, in this phase, are not asked what they want or how they wish to achieve it; they are told what they should want to better themselves in the society that surrounds them, and they are told in rote fashion how to achieve these "goals" thrust upon their shoulders "for their own good". To overcome this stop, autistics need help in getting their word out, no matter how much ignorance, denial, or the "yes, but" approach has been around for decades. The autistics are often ready to speak, but are terrified of presenting their ideas, as these ideas often are in conflict with what others deem "appropriate" at the time, and therefore (as one autistic stated) there is no reason to communicate--as they will be "lambasted" for expressing what is considered "ill-thought" or "unworthy of consideration", no matter how important that proposal is to the autistic individual.

The fourth stop is lack of action in prolonging the momentum, once an autistic has had a chance to air his/her thoughts on what to that autistic is important and needs to be done in society for his/her benefit and the benefit of others of all categories. The temptation is to deem that the idea is fine for that autistic, alone, but just does not fit into the needs and desires of others in any way, and must be treated as an "isolated case". This only pushes what the autistic is trying to do, no just with his/her own life, but with society/culture as a whole "under the carpet", and is like telling the autistic, "Your idea has merit, but is only applicable to your own life, not to anyone else's!". It would be like telling Vincent van Gogh that his paintings were fine for him to produce, but not to expect others to find anything at all worthwhile in his paintings; or to tell Albert Einstein that his formulas in physics were wonderful ideas for his own mind to come up with, but not to bother the scientific community with these ideas, as they might have no merit, at all, when it comes to established scientific laws.

If all of these stops could (by some miracle) be totally eliminated, there would be no problem, at all, in autistic integration and involvement in society. Each autistic person would have no ignorance, denial, or "yes, but..." framework leaning against his/her life goals, and the push would be there to let these goals be known to others everywhere as completely worthwhile, not just for the autistic, but for the benefits for all of humankind, not just at the moment when these ideas or goals are presented by the autistic, but for many generations to come, in all cultures.

The question, now, is: How does an autistic person get through these barricades or "border checkpoints"? It's not a matter of trying to avoid these crossings, as they are part of the path, itself. It's more a matter of how others can speed the process of crossing, like family/friends helping a person prepare a passport for getting into another country. However, one has to be reminded that there are four such crossings--and each one is quite different from the others. To use another analogy, when one has got through the first three stops, it's like the spiritual song, "There's one more river to cross...".

Yes, this is a journey of immense proportions, but a journey that every autistic individual yearns for--to get to his/her own goals in life, no matter how different, beyond "common sense" or unobvious those goals or ideals might seem to his/her family, community, or society. The goals are there, waiting in the distance, with four major obstacles blocking the achievement. Once those obstacle have been overcome, the idea of frustration, both for the autistic individual and those around him/her will be hard to comprehend.


 
 

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PoseidonPoseidonPoseidonPoseidon [Member]
06/27/07 @ 00:11

Whats the border checkpoint?

I await as your writings unfold about autism.

autisticinputautisticinput [Member]
06/27/07 @ 01:46

The border checkpoint is a metaphorical statement of one of the stops on the journey towards the goal at the end of the journey; it could be considered analagous to a "hurdle" or a "obstacle" that comes in the way (as the four stops on the journey do) as a person moves along. When a person, for example, crosses from El Salvador to Guatemala, then to Mexico, and on to the United States, and finally on to Canada, he or she must pass through four borders, and there are checkpoints at certain places which are legal crossings where a person presents all the papers/passports to get into the new territory. A person from El Salvador trying to get into Canada has the same struggles, metaphorically, as an autistic person has in trying to achieve integragion and involvement with others in life, as outlined in the journey.

Parallel to each of the four crossings, the four "stops" (ignorance, denial, "yes, but...", and lack of action in promoting the momemtum) are presented, and in each case, the autistic person must, metaphorically, have all the "papers" ready (with the help of others) in getting through these checkpoints and moving forward to the goal on the autistic journey.

The four countries mentioned are just one example. A person could start the journey in Australia, move on to Indonesia, through Singapore, on to Malaysia, and, and end up in Thailand as another example. There are so many possible examples of this journey through these border checkpoints. It's not the analogy, itself, but the main thesis of the autistic journey through the four steps (and past the four stops) to integration, that counts.

SketchWeaselSketchWeasel [Member]
06/27/07 @ 05:13

I'd be very interested in hearing your views on Asperger's Syndrome.
Having lived and worked with autistic and aspergic young adults for 3 years I have quite a lot of anecdotal evidence to the nature of these disorders.

autisticinputautisticinput [Member]
06/27/07 @ 10:39

As a person who has lived with Asperger's Syndrome (AS) for over six decades, I can attest to the intricacies of living with this condition and all the lack of understanding by others in the community.

The basic difference, to me, between classical autism and AS is that those with classical autism have far more verbal communication issues, as many never speak or do no speak for many years, or cannot assimilate the language speech patterns in their daily living. They also have cognitive problems, too.

That said, the social issues that accompany both AS and classical autism are still there. As a person with AS tries to express his own issues, interests, and emotions, those issues, interests, and emotions are often at odds with others around him, often due to culture. For example, I have had almost no interest in competitive issues (sports being the prime example). I often yearned to find others with whom I could be friends who would not advise me that I "should" or "must" become interested in competitive issues "as that is the way life is, today--it is very competitive!" That type of advice only made me feel more frustrated and withdrawn, as I could not get my message through to others that life does not have to be competitive for a person to enjoy life, day-by-day.

That is why I started this blog--to show that autistics, in general, including those with AS, have to not just get awareness, and acceptance going for them (and their individual lifestyle), but also must have input into what is happening around them (like the autistic adolescent who would rather be building a sculpture than engaging in track-and-field activities). Others have to be aware of his condition, accept him as part of the community, but also permit him to do his own thing, even if many (if not most) others are not interested in what he wants to pursue, in life.

Also, it's not just a matter of letting him pursue his intersts, while ignoring what he's doing (while, at the same time, promoting what others are doing). He needs the same interest and assistance from others in his goals, not just work goals or hobby goals (such as the one example of the sculpture), but also social goals--to find many friends who will associate with him without trying to get him over to "their side of the fence" on any issue.

That personal acceptance, empathy, friendship, and close relationship is there for the person with AS to get out of his "own inner world", but he has a lot of convincing to do to get that message through to others. It is important, to him, for others to show that he is not just accepted as a "friendly neighbour", but as a person worth pursuing--even as a partner inside or outside of marriage.

This applies to all "Aspies", both male and female.

PoseidonPoseidonPoseidonPoseidon [Member]
06/28/07 @ 05:17

If you said it as such. then I must be autistic too.

You seem to have all your faculties together. Why would you need the acceptance and be part of the unfortunate normal ill society that consumes billions of dollars in long term drug use due to 'normalization for peer acceptance'?

Why do you need to feel inferior when THEY are the inferior ones?

They use POWER on people like you
, give you labels to make you feel small so that they, the less intelligent can feel bigger than you.

Sigh.

The equation is wrong here.

you are with wrong people. Wrong neighbourhood.

such is life ! where we are plonked , that is where is shaped our self image.

Unless you have not provided enough info perhaps medically that you are 'sick' and not functionable. By which i do not have enough information. Otherwise my judgements stand

Whats the criteria for Passing the Autistic Labelling test anyway?

I only know about autism from Rain Man. And that guy clearly cannot function by himself independently. Then I would agree to the medical labelling. He does need help to live.

autisticinputautisticinput [Member]
06/28/07 @ 07:40

The faculties are together in the writing, but not in the social scene, when trying to communicate with others face-to-face. The faculties of the other person are there too, but the two faculties in the face-to-face interaction are not sychronized, and the flow is absent; likewise the communication falters from the beginning, and the needs of the individual are not addressed.

When the autistic person, for example, does not make much eye contact, the other person "knows" that this is a "game" of trying to garner attention by "pretending" to hide information or feeling that might be very relevant to the discussion, and in "knowing" this, the other person becomes disengaged, as he or she does not want to play this "game".

The autistic person tries in earnest to declare, often very ballantly, that there is no game, but the discussion then veers away from the initial concerns to the concerns over the autistic's behaviour at that moment, and why he or she will not maintain eye contact (like actors on a soap opera). When the autistic tries to show that this steady eye contact is not an enjoyable (and often painful) act that distracts the autistic from maintaining thought on the subject of the discussion, the other person becomes a preacher, and starts to say to the autistic many rhetorical statements, such as "It's all in your mind. Why would you let eye contact bother you?"

This moral indignation over the autistic's behaviour (and often his verbal ways of addressing issues) continues with such points as "positive" thinking and avoiding "self-pity", when none of these topics were part of the original discussion.

Too often, the contact is broken, as both sides see the resultant discussion leading no where, and one (or both) decides to leave the interaction. The social setting has been destroyed.

This is but one of many possible senarios in the social scene. Another senario would be the autistic finding a creative approach to an old joke, and trying to add it to the interaction, only to find that the others either do not comprehend what the autistic was saying by adding the comment to the joke, or finding the comment, itself, very distasteful and not worthy of further comment.

This only makes the social scene more divisive, and the autistic is left wondering if there is any hope, at all, in trying to make social contact with others when all the results seem to be so dire and isolating.

The culture, itself, does play a large roll in this interaction, but, unfortunately, with television (and now utube) the social behaviours of people looking at each other in the eye for extended periods of time are being developed as a global phenomena, and the autistic cannot find a niche anywhere, where such eye contact is not demanded as part of the requirements in face-to-face interactions.

It's not just eye contact, but many other issues that can prejudice others in the social scene. Even Albert Einstein, whom many feel was an autistic, himself, had a shower or bath about once a month (or less), and in today's world (with all the advertisements) that is just not accepted by others when in a face-to-face interaction. How many potential employers would want to hire a person who has not had a shower or bath in the past two months before an job interview?

O, it's so easy to say that these social "quacks" can be easily "cured" by explaining to the autistic why he or she must adhere to the "norms" of the situation, both in time and culture, but often that is the issue--how difficult, if not impossible that really is for the autistic. The preaching then begins, again, and the social scene between the autistic and the preacher ends with another stalemate. The autistic is still looking for awareness that his autism is "real" from the other person (whom he feels is still ignoring the issue), and also needs acceptance for his ways of behaving (even though the other person will vehemently deny that such behaviour can be tolerated, to any extent).

There are many other people who have, over the past sixty years, been willing, first, to be aware that autistics do have different needs and methods of communicating both in words and in behaviour. Others, too, are willing to accept the person for who he is, without the hassle of trying to reform him to be "normal" (as seen as a requirement for integration into society).

However, despite these few people, the rest of society still seems to hold a "grudge" against the autistic for not making it clear that his behaviour cannot be tolerated (let alone accepted) by others, and if he wants to get more friends and be able to associate with others on the social scene, the ball is now in his court--he is the only one who can change himself (and he will never be able to change others). When the autistic tries to show that others have the same imperative--to change themselves, and that they cannot change him, there is a permanent impasse. The feelings of alienation are present on both sides, and there is no hope for any way of resolving the standoff between the autistic and those who are not aware of the autism nor accepting of it.

Almost every time the autistic tries to engage with others, the same interaction occurs. For example, when, during a lunch break, many others in the lunch room are discussing the recent soccer game, the autistic tries to change the subject, as he has no interest in soccer. Others wonder why he would want to change the subject (as they are very keen on the series), and do not respond to his initiative to start a new subject (such as the return of a certain butterfly to the area). He, in turn, is lost with this response, and cannot figure out why most, if not all the others in that lunch room are ignoring him. He speaks again to the person beside him, who, again, turns to the others in their discussion of soccer. That just leaves the autistic feeling more isolated, and for anyone to ask why the autistic cannot become engaged in the soccer discussion only makes him express the counter-question--why others cannot become engaged in the butterfly discussion that he raised. Again, the impasse ensues.

This is the plight of the autistic, as he attempts to fulfill his mandate as (according to scientists) a social creature, like all human beings.

PoseidonPoseidonPoseidonPoseidon [Member]
07/12/07 @ 02:00

I am autistic then.

There is something wrong with the lot of them.

so it is we that should accept them. not them us. and if they don't accept us well. gee good riddance to bad rubbish.

There is something very wrong with society. but they say loudest. bell curve. mediocre. bell curve. mediocre.

the worst thing we can do is believe them. that there is something wrong with them.

they speak loud coz they know they don't have it. so they make you feel bad coz they know you don't care therefore you care. so they make you feel worse than them, thats coz they are actually worse than you. so they use their other talents, their trickies.

jackfrostjackfrost pro
05/02/08 @ 17:09

i am a police officer and i know that more than a few of my staff are autistic. not in the way most people seem to think..but in different ways the one thing thatv they all have in common is that without exception they are all above average intellegence..it seems to go hand in hand.

i write this as i see your online and have not posted for a while hope you pop back some time:yes:

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